So today I was told by the lovely SCD nurse at my hospital that I would be referred to a psychologist. Ha!
I think the basis for the referral is the upcoming op and my mental state considering the previous ops. And I'm guessing bursting into tears in the doc's office did not help my case...but in my defense they were short-lived and mostly caused by frustration and hunger (mental note...breakfast...important meal).
But yes I should be getting an appointment to see a psychologist soon. And I am quite sure some of you already think I should have been referred years ago...Ha!!
I told Cuz S about this turn of events and we had a good chuckle over it...see we are Nigerians and as a general rule, most of us tend not to subscribe to the idea of mental or emotional therapy in any form...spiritual and physical are all good...but mental or emotional...that's what family is for...to help you deal with your sh*t.
I remember feeling down during the recovery period after my first major SC complication (kept me out of school for almost a year when I was 14)...Mama's solution...first I was told to read the book of Job (still haven't forgiven her for that but that's a story for another time) and then she took me to visit Tex & Toy, my childhood friends. The idea behind this I guess was to realise that God was in control and there's nothing that can't be handled when He is in control - Job. And that I had people in my life who cared about me - Tex & Toy.
None of this was actually said by her though, there was no 'talking it out', this conclusion I came to on my own with the benefit of hindsight.
So remembering that episode plus the convo with Cuz S this eve about my referral led me to think about whether we, my family and the Nigerians who don't subscribe to therapy, whether we have it right? Or are we short changing ourselves and depriving ourselves of a seemingly useful mental health tool?
I'm somewhere in the middle on this. Family and friends are good...great even...especially those like mine that have my back and will 'talk it out' if I so wish to. But see in my experience, I find that I don't always want to talk to my family or my friends. Sometimes I feel like I don't want to upset them, which it's only natural they will be if I ever tell them I'm not coping well. Other times I don't want their sort of help...the 'Job' or 'be thankful for the positives in your life' or 'there are people going through much worse' kind of help.
All good help but maybe sometimes good help at the wrong time or in the wrong circumstance/situation. Especially if one was going through a really bad time or a really bad situation.
Also sometimes your family may not think what you are going through is that bad, but to you it is...you are at your most desperate and you can't understand why they can't hear your cry for help or you feel that they will see you as being spoilt or indulgent or weak so you keep it all in.
Times like that I really do think it's better to see and be supported in seeing a professional.
But back to me at this present time. I admit I am frustrated but I can certainly say I am not depressed. I can be a moody cow, but truth be told, I have had that particular quality for decades...like Monica sang, sometimes for me some days are...just one of them days when I wanna be all alone...when I gotta be all alone...don't take it personal.
So yes I am being referred and I have decided to be open to it...should be interesting and at the very least helpful...KK's been calling me disturbed since we were kids!!!
Did you recognise The Beatles in the title...about time the fab four got some love :)
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