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The birthday is done, the party is over, the euphoria has settled.
It's crazy I've only been in Gidi for a week but it feels like I've been here longer and right now I've got my mind on Welwyn and Welwyn on my mind.
Don't get me wrong I have no problem with Gidi beyond the problems every sane person has living in an insane environment. I have loved being among family and friends and will miss them badly when I leave BUT here's the thing, I hate the person I am during this trip. It's like being here has highlighted all the things I detest about myself. I am constantly on edge and irritated with almost everyone. I am uncomfortable and completely uneasy with almost everything and everyone. And it's evident in my thoughts, my words, and my deeds. I hate that I am being a spoilt whiny hard to please complainant. It's not a good look and I need to shake it off now!
I think it's the lack of control and independence I experience in Gidi. I've had a taste of independence and I've discovered I love it. I like being hidden away in Welwyn, in control of my own environment, with the ability to do what I want, when I want, how I want. Also selfishly I like that I don't have to care or give a damn or make allowances for others because family relationship or tradition dictates I must.
I really hate who I am being right now but I am a great believer (when it suits me) of mind over matter so for my remaining Gidi time I am going to shake it off and remember, or at the very least pretend, that I am an adult and behave accordingly!!!
Title is Bruno Mar's Liquor Store Blues simply because....well the line is self-explanatory isn't it :)
