Drain drain go away

Hands down the second worst part of my m journey has been the drain.

A drain is a tube placed in the surgery site and attached at the other end to a clear bottle. Its purpose is to prevent the build up of fluid in the area so it drains the fluids out. If you feel the need please do google redivac drain for more information.

So I woke up post-op with 2 thin tubes coming out of the side of my chest. Luckily for me one was taken out 3 days post-op. Unluckily for me that same day I was discharged with the second drain.

Now imagine having to lug this plastic bottle around with you everywhere. Not being able to just fling yourself down on a bed, couch, or chair as you wished....yeah I know flinging post surgery would hurt like a bitch but at least give me the damn option! But nope not with a long tube and its trusty bottle attachment. One has to be careful how one moves so as not to get the tube caught in anything because trust me tugging it hurts....like a bitch.

Side digression - why like a bitch? Does a bitch hurt? Bitch as in female dog? Or bitch as in female? And as a female should I really be using the term bitch?.......I am not near recovered enough for this!!!

Anyhooo drain. Did I mention the plastic bottle, the clear plastic bottle? So you can see and measure the fluids. Sweet Lord Jesus have mercy! Who wants to see that crap? Not me! For sure.

It's bad enough I have had a flippin mastectomy and I am going around with one effin breast but now I need to watch fluids draining out of me. Seriously? I can't even look at myself when I go to the loo.

I am that girl. That ocd girl who finds everything disgusting and can't eat certain foods because of their shape or colour. And now I have to watch fluids coming out of me and measure it every day.

Come on!

But I did for 9 bloody awful days. (Note that is day 9 at home not day 9 post mastectomy. It was actually day 11 post mastectomy. So I had that crap in me for 11 effin days)

By day 9 I was quite simply at the end of my rope, not just was it disgusting to look at, the drain site had started to hurt....like a bitch.

I swear if they hadn't taken that shit out, I would have yanked it out myself....truetalk!

But it's out and I celebrated yesterday by flinging myself...very carefully....onto the bed. And by turning....again very carefully...at will whilst sleeping.

Where's my Brad Pitt?

It is 10 days post mastectomy.

This has got to be hands down the hardest thing I have ever been through and medically I have been through some tough crap. But this mastectomy is trying its damnedest to beat me down physically and emotionally. Luckily for me though I've got a pretty good support system shoring me and holding me up. My therapist (yes one of those) compared my support system to the scaffolding that holds a building up during repairs. I thought that was pretty apt.

It's weird though, my logical mind grasps the need for the mastectomy and that it is just a procedure, not the end of the world. Furthermore, I am having reconstruction so that solves the visual problem. So why am I flippin yo-yoing emotionally? One minute I'm cool, the next I'm bawling my eyes out.

I do not get it. But my philosophy has always been one breath at a time so that's how I will approach this journey. In the meantime I figure now that the pain has dialled down it's time to get my thoughts and experiences down. So tomorrow I will begin posting My M Journey.