Pump up the volume...

Today is 21 days post mastectomy.

But this post is not about today. It's a delayed post about day 16 post-m.

Day 16 was the day of my first expansion/inflation session.

I probably won't explain it very well but see...during my operation, they also started the reconstruction process. So as well as removing my breast tissue, the docs also inserted the implant with a port attached to it. Now imagine the implant like a deflated balloon, that will slowly be filled with saline over a period via the port. So on my chest, under my scars, I have the implant and just below I have a little bump that I was informed post-op is the port.

Now when all this was explained to me by the breast nurse weeks before the operation, I for some inexplicable reason assumed the port would be outside my skin, so imagine my shock to wake up and see the bump is under my skin...my skin is covering it...over it...the port cannot be seen...hmmmm...how the heck are they going to access that crap??

That was the question that was running through my mind for the 16 days till the first fill me up session. I mean the thing is under my skin, so my rational mind tells me, to access it one must first penetrate my skin. And as a thirtysomething year old sickler with a number of surgeries under my belt, I like to think I know a thing or two about medical personnel penetrating my skin to get at what's underneath...veins, arteries, tumours etc. All methods hurt.

So looking at the port hiding bump it seems that what they are implying will probably involve a needle that will first need to go through my skin.

For the love of....

Does the pain and abuse never end???

So I wake up anxious and apprehensive on day 16 and make my way to the Macmillan Cancer Centre UCLH with a brief stop over for Cuz S. I needs her support for this next stage.

After an hours wait due to miscommunication between the desk lady and I, Cuz S and I proceed into the examination room.

As usual Nurse S is her friendly chatty reassuring self but I's still anxious so I ask...okay okay demand....that Cuz S brings her hand for hand holding duty.

Nurse S laughs and promises that it won't hurt, yeah like I've never heard that one before *rolling eyes emoticon*, and she proceeds to locate the bump and insert the needle...

It.does.not.hurt. AT ALL

Well....

No pain....

Not quite sure how to deal with that, all that build up and no pain....but I thinks I can work with this, especially as my next session is booked for the next week.

I go home all happy and relieved....then that evening....BAM pain pain pain.

Damn the breast hurts....like a bitch...for days.

Ah well....they never said it'd be easy. My journey continues. 2 days till next session.