Tales by Moonlight

There was this boy from my neighbourhood, he was training to become a medical doctor. Brilliant boy, from a good home, had everything going for him. 'Bright Star' they called people like him, lord knows we didn't have too many of them in the neighbourhood back then.

But what's that they say about bright stars? They burn out fast. You could say that happened to Dr J. That's what we called him, Dr J, on account of him wanting to be a doctor. Well Dr J burnt out, can't really say it was his fault, but then again can't really say it wasn't.

You see what had happened was Dr J got in with the fast crowd, the 'bright young things'. I'm sure you know some of them, everyone does. They are those young folks with too much money and not enough common sense. Oh don't get me wrong, quite a few of them are educated but what's education got to do with common sense? You either have it or you don't.

Well Dr J apparently had none. He ran with the bright young things, drinking, drugging, gambling...and the seven sins too. Then one day he got into a conflict with one of the other bright young things. Don't know the why's or the wherefore's but rumour says it was over a business deal gone wrong....business deal, ha!

So Dr J says Mr Bright Young Thing has stiffed him over a deal and he wants his money now. Well Mr Bright Young Thing disagrees. He disagrees so much, he sends some boys to teach Dr J a lesson. Not sure what kind of lesson you learn from being knifed to death but Dr J sure learnt that lesson well....and that right there was how my neighbourhoods bright star burnt out.

Such a damn shame. But that's young folks for you. They think they know it all, the world is a personal gift to them and they have all the time to enjoy it. Damn damn shame!!


For the non-Nigerians, the title 'Tales by Moonlight' refers to a sunday evening programme on national tv in Nigeria in the 1980s for children. Fictional stories were told by an adult to groups of children sitting around and each tale unfailingly had a moral lesson. Sunday evening was not complete for KK and I if we did not watch Tales by Moonlight. Amongst other lessons, we learnt (mostly from tales involving the tortoise) not to be greedy or disobedient, to be truthful always and to share....I believe the day the tale on sharing was told, KK was out playing footie....I kid I kid :)


The reason I titled this highly fictionalised story Tales by Moonlight is because it was inspired by a song Mama and Cuz S were singing this eve, the song was apparently taught to them by my Grandma and was based on real events that happened in the family's neighbourhood in Lagos, in Lafiaji, during my Grandma's time. The lyrics of the song are...


dokita to binu sinwo 
dokita to binu sinwo 
boyze won binu yo obe
 ye
 e wa wo eje ni Lafiaji...


Loosely and literally translated it means a doctor angrily asked for money he was owed, in return the boys he was asking angrily brought out knives and subsequently blood flowed in Lafiaji. According to Mama and Cuz S, my Grandma knew/knew of the doctor, he was from a prominent family and he was killed in the incident. Though either Grandma didn't give Mama and Cuz S the nitty gritty of the unfortunate incident or they just can't remember...I would make jokes about age and memory here but they can still kick my butt!! 


For my Nigerian readers and Fela fans, the tune of the song is the same tune of 'Oni Dodo Oni Moin-Moin' , the lyrics of which end with 'e wa wo ija ni Lafiaji'. So food for thought, as I believe Fela would have been a young 'un at the time of the events in my Grandma's Lafiaji, would I be right in saying the eje  came before the ija in Lafiaji :)


Hope you all enjoyed the fictional story and the little bit of my family folklore. 


Oh and the Yoruba peeps, please kindly forgive my yoruba, I'm only half :)

I'll never grow up, never grow up, never grow up! Not me!

This morning, like the good Christian child I was raised to be (and I mostly am...YES I AM) I picked up the Word for Today to see what today's reading and devotional was about. Here's a quote from it, "we spend most of our twenties discovering all of the hundreds of things we can be. But as we mature into our thirties, we begin to discover all of the things we will never be. The challenge for us is to reach our forties and beyond and put it all together."

I promptly sent the quote to bffl via bb, because that's how we roll :-)

And to quote her, "what kind of hopeless message is this?" Lmao...But as someone like her in her early thirties, I feel her. So what? We've got a few years of disappointment as a grown up left??? There we were in our twenties thinking that by our thirties we'd have our sh*t together.

And there we were thinking we were doing a pretty good job of getting it together too. Forging ahead nicely as a grown up. Granted certain expectations not met yet...but why make the thirties sound so depressing?

Well...Time to get crackin' and find those things I'll never be.

P.S - title is quote from Peter Pan.


And before I go I thought I'd put a link to the song I am currently enamoured with...James Morrison's Better Man...enjoy (can you tell there's a romantic living somewhere in me with the lyrics of the songs I like)

What if?

I absolutely detest what if's, I find them to be time wasting and unproductive. I like living in the present, after all I can't change the past, what's done is done and can't be undone etc etc etc....and yet like most humans I can't help but embark on the what if journey every once in a while. Today's journey was brought to you courtesy of last night's dream of a past love...or should that be a nightmare? Anyway I have spent a significant part of my day wondering what brought on the dream, why I had the dream, whether the dream meant something and worst of all what if things had turned out differently.

I figure the dream happened because I'm back in Lagos bumping into old friends and being constantly reminded of a past life. And maybe because in that past life I truly thought my future life was with this dude...ha, little did I know! I would be lying if I said I don't have regrets but I am practical enough to realise that sh*t happens and life goes on. Living or wallowing in the past doesn't help especially when the other party has moved on and for all intents and purposes is living a very happy and settled life.

So I choose not to continue on this particular journey...boy am I glad there's only 8 mins left to the day. Here's hoping new day, new thoughts, living in the present.

And on that note I am mentally preparing myself for my literal journey back to the UK next week...to the cold, to Nisa, to Livability, and to my male Shatu who I have missed :)

It's been wonderful being in Lagos, seeing friends and family. Didn't get to see everyone...then again I guess I saw the people that wanted to see me and I had a blast with them. I'm a bit iffy on the 'seeing people on holiday' etiquette...see when people come to the UK I go to see them or meet them, I come to Lagos and I am supposed to get up to come see you in Lagos too...mehn the crack you smoke is the good stuff!!!

Do you see the truth through all those lies...

Last night was aaaaaaargh....and so I am making a conscious choice not to let anyone frustrate me or cause me endless worry, stress or sleepless nights.

I am only responsible for myself.

I cannot change anyone, fix anyone but me, and unlike Coldplay I am not even going to attempt to try. I am too busy battling with myself and dealing with my own demons and flaws to try and attack yours.

With adulthood comes freedom and with freedom comes responsibility. I have learnt that just because you can say or do something doesn't mean you should. I let common sense guide me, unlike knowledge, it's free and available for all. And if you possess none (which I hate to say it clearly seems you don't) that's what family, friends, community, church are there for....guidance, listen and learn. But that's all they can do...guide, not change. That's a DIY job.

I have also learnt to let compassion flow and dictate my actions towards others. And I try very hard not to judge. Trust me, you aren't all that either, and you've made mistakes as well.

I know who I was, who I am, and who I want to be. I am in constant conflict with myself, some days are good, I improve...other days I regress but always I know who I want to be. How about you?


For the curious this is not directed towards anyone in particular but to the general community I reside in :)


Title is a play on the lyrics of Cry by James Blunt.

..You're breaking my heart...I'm down on my knees, I'm begging you please to come home...

Its amazing how something so minor when considered in the greater scheme of life can still manage to piss you off, make you lose your appetite and mess up the rest of your day.

This morning I left my house with an earring in each lobe, this evening I came back with one bare lobe. Somewhere between Old Street and Welwyn lies one expensive silver mesh hoop. I just couldn't have worn the cheap ass accessorize or topshop earrings could I, nope, had to wear the one my Mama gave me....aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!!!!

Woosah...

So my relatively okay day ended on a low point and to drown my sorrows I decided to dive into a golden myriad mix of music via good old youtube... Chaka Khan's 'Through the Fire', Earth Wind & Fire's 'After the Love has Gone', Joni Mitchell's 'Both Sides Now', Billy Joel's 'Just the Way You Are' and 'Piano Man', Simon & Garfunkel's 'Cecilia' which led to Neil Diamonds 'Sweet Caroline'....which I used to loooooove so I'm in a better mood now and can happily go off to bed.

Title is from Cecilia.

I was going to put a link for Sweet Caroline, simply because it's the last song I listened to but decided to put Chaka Khan as I've been overplaying that song for over a week now....through the fire, to the limit, to the wall...through the fire, through whatever come what may...right down to the wire, even through the fire...loves it, enjoy!!!!

You know you've gotta have hope...

Have you ever looked back and tried to pinpoint that exact moment when things changed in your life, when you moved from one stage into the next. Sometimes it’s easy because some of those moments have markers that are celebrated - graduation, wedding day, birth of a child etc. Other times it’s much harder to pinpoint because the change was subtle, gradual, you wake up one morning and suddenly realise things have changed.

A few times you are lucky and you feel the change happening, maybe you foresee something, or the air around you feels different even though there’s no obvious change in your life, in your daily routine.

That’s where I am at. I woke up on Friday and everything felt different, felt hopeful, like something was about to happen, something great. Today is Tuesday and nothing has changed, nothing has happened, no phone call relaying wonderful news, no gorgeous stranger crossing my path, no numbers coming in on the lottery… but I’m still excited because everything still feels different.

Anyway it’s 7.11am and I need to get a move on unless I’ll miss the 7.25am bus to St. Albans. That’s the thing about living in the boonies, there’s a bus once every lifetime.

I grab my keys and head out the door. As I lock it behind me, like clockwork 99’s dog begins barking his little insane cujo head off, and like clockwork as I begin my power walk down the road I send a little mental curse…maybe today will be the day he meets a bat and greets his owner with a love bite…hey don’t judge, you try sleeping next door to a dog that never stops barking, it's a foolproof recipe for unending tiredness.

I resolve not to let Cujo or his owner spoil my mood and my day continues as normal, idiot boss, semi-idiot colleague, kfc for dinner, eastenders…time for bed….still hopeful.

I wake up Wednesday still hopeful, yep, change is coming. I can feel it!!

I grab my keys and head out the door and nothing, complete silence. Weird I’m thinking as I power walk to the bus stop, I can’t remember Cujo barking all night, in fact last time I heard him was yesterday morning. I wonder what happened to the little monster, maybe he's finally being treated right, I'm positive all that barking is a cry for help.

Great, neighbour 97 is at the bus stop, means the bus is yet to come. I slow down to a stroll, catch my breath, I’m going to need it. 97 is the Dot Cotton of the neighbourhood, knows where all the bodies are buried and will not hesitate to tell everyone’s business.  I barely get a ‘Good morning’ out before 97 launches into what I like to call my morning nutshell version of daily neighbourhood events.

I proceed to mentally spend my lottery winnings, it is Wednesday after all and I can feel change coming. I am just about to board my Gulfstream G550 when I realise 97 is looking at me expectantly. Shit! He asked me a question didn’t he?

‘Pardon’, I say, smiling as pleasantly as I can,

‘Hey, don’t worry’ he says, winking,

Ok, why would I be worried?  And why the hell is he winking at me? Thankfully the bus pulls to a stop in front of us and I make my way to the back seat, leaving 97 to his usual front row seat.

Later that evening, as I walk towards my house, I see 99 sitting on his front stoop. I send a neighbourly wave in his direction and he stands up and walks towards me.

‘You heard about Davey?’ he asks,

Davey, Davey, oh Cujo…‘No’, I reply, ‘is he ok, I didn’t hear him at all last night or this morning.’

‘They took him away’, he cries, ‘the RSPCA took him away.’

I make appropriate sympathy noises and escape into my house, to my kfc, corrie and bed.

I am currently lying in bed thinking about change, I am still feeling hopeful, it’s coming I know. I lie here contemplating in the stillness and quietness of the night. As my eyes sleepily close I realise my change has come, it’s in the stillness, in the quiet night, the peaceful night. No noise, no insane barking, no Cujo. That's my change, the end of Cujo and the beginning of restful nights. 

As I drift off to lala land I make a mental note...don't forget to thank semi-idiot colleague for calling the RSPCA.

Title - Gabrielle's Dreams 

P.S - Cujo is very much alive, at home and barking as I type, poor dog, but a girl can dream :)

Fear can hold you prisoner. Hope can set you free.

Title is the tagline from the film The Shawshank Redemption, one of my favourite films.

It's a pretty simple concept, fear crippling you, hope shoring you up...

There are two quotes on hope in the film that resonate with me. Towards the end the protagonist states that 'Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things...', a complete opposite of what was stated to him earlier that 'Hope is a dangerous thing. Hope can drive a man insane'.

People who know me well would probably guess that I identify more with the latter quote. A lot of the time life is about hoping, advertently or inadvertently, we are constantly hoping. In all situations, that things turn out for the best, that a positive outcome is realised. Sometimes hope is abstract, oft times it's specific to a particular matter. At all times it has the ability to drive a person insane.

It's that idea of hoping for the best, constantly hoping for the best and having to adapt/adjust when it doesn't pan out. And what's crazy is we keep hoping, even when everything points to things not working out, we keep hoping till the very last minute. It's like cold comfort, and when things constantly don't work out, that's when insanity may set in.

But despite it's ability to drive you insane, I don't knock hope because it literally keeps you alive, keeps you going, especially in dark and difficult times.

Hope and faith (if you are fortunate enough to believe) shore you up and sometimes if you are lucky and the gods are with you, it does pan out, a'la Andy Dufresne in Shawshank, and then you can look back and see hope as the best of things.